8 Poorly Disguised Secret Identities

Comments (12)

1. • cGt2099

   I accidentally a secret ID

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   1. • arianrhod

      @cGt2099 I almost woke the kids up laughing when I saw this comment. Totally caught me off guard. Don't just drop stuff like that on an unrelated topic!

      Edit: Also, the original Power Rangers were my favourite. I had a crush on Billy, what can say.

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2. • inthedoghousenow

   My son and I were just discussing the Adam, He-man secret identities and how on earth nobody around them ever figured it out! lol ... And She-ra was just as sneaky! lol

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3. • The_Plagiarist

   Damn... I was almost going to cry blasphemy when I thought He-man was in it but no Superman but that serves me right for reading the comments here first.

   Ok...where to start sounding geeky. Warning: Reading below will suck the fun out of the article.

   #8
   The Power Rangers thing...there's worse. There was this episode of Ryukendo where the hero was trapped in this endless tunnel with a girl fighting a monster and he ran a few miles saying "I hope no one hears me", whispers his henshin but the talking sword says he can't hear him so he shouts it out loud, comes back to the girl and she can't put two and two together. Not to mention, there were only suppose to be them two in the tunnel and the transformed hero just got teleported out of the tunnel accidentally meaning there really was no way the hero could have just stumbled on her like that. (They have this whole silly thing about an endless tunnel that you can only go to if you are indecisive and you get returned to the real world if you become decisive again)

   Also compared to later series, the original one's keeping their identity made more sense. After all you had a robot calculating where they were going to be transported and everyone was just so shocked with the arrival of the heroes and villains that no one really knew what the Power Rangers were and everyone around Angel Drove acted like an idiot including the 5 teens.

   Compared that to the later series where you had monsters and people dancing together (Mystic Force) and people knowing their identity but the villains only attacking the base at the finale (Security Force or something) or even Ninjas with prominent athletic roles not getting their identity revealled when they not only wear the same outfits but they're freaking Kim Possibles in that world (Ninja Storm).

   #7
   Seriously, the only reason Dorothy and Toto discovered the Wizard's secret identity was because he was from the same world as he is. I didn't watch the movie but the book version I know of explicitly states that everyone knew that the Wizard was a small guy but because he like Dorothy came there from strange circumstances, everyone thought they were something special and so everyone just thought the big head was the apparition of the Wizard. It wasn't a secret identity.

   #6
   If anyone can find this, seriously watch Kaiketsu Zorro

   http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/encyclopedia/anime.php?id=1744

   I didn't finish the series but Diego had to go through shit worse than Bruce Wayne to keep his identity a secret. There was even one scene where the girl he has a crush on was recollecting Diego's letter about how he was the best at fencing class and the Colonel in that show who was in love with the girl challenged Diego and he had to lose like a panzy. Look, if Kenshin without a mask can fool everyone that he's not Batthousai in Samurai X, Diego with a mask should be on the list of one of those heroes that take the toughest crap from having a secret identity. You never hear Albert Einstein acting like an idiot to secretly protect the world from the threat of a nuclear bomb or Micheal Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and Bo Jackson needing to act like the Space Jam villains suck their skills dry to save the world with their basketballs, hockey stick and touchdowns.

   #5
   No, Peter Parker in Spider-Man 1 was alright. Peter Parker in Spider-Man 2 and 3 was Tobey Mcguire playing as Topher Grace and no one ever pays attention to Eric but poorly disguised?

   Have you not seen the Japanese Spider-man or the Italian Spider-man? Those my friends, are poorly disguised.

   Japanese Spider-man
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGxde2a2_iQ

   Italian Spider-man
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvNLlwkwP64

   #4
   Seriously, Palpatine had one of the best disguises ever. Have you not played Assassin's Creed? (I haven't.)

   Anyway if Palpatine is poorly disguised then poor Muad'dib got it worse. Not only was he the prophet, he was blind and he needed a hood on and he was living in a town where everyone used to serve under him. Now that's a poor disguise.

   You have to give credit where credit is due. Palpatine's disguise is so effective that he even fooled the writer of this article. Dude, Palpatine WAS the secret identity. That's how ingenious Darth Sidious was. Imagine everyone thinking you're the kindest senator around when in reality you're the exact opposite. No wonder, it was too late. I blame the fact that there weren't any pedophile priest in the Stars Wars universe to clue the heroes in on Darth Sidious' secret identity.

   #3
   Robert Downey Jr. is being praised for having pulled it off and this is a poor disguise. Try a black male basketball player pretending to be a female basketball player and becoming the star of the team better yet, try Shaquille O'Neil's Steel.

   #2
   They sort of fixed this in the new series. With the old one...(damn it, someone help me find a reason)...um...them's magically wizard made suit. Makes Adam look like an anorexic like the He-Man in that horrible live action movie. The design was um...err... supposed to make him look like a metrosexual. That's why Teela was so comfortable around him and that it never bothered anyone why he was running away because the suit also made him sound like Michael Jackson.

   #1
   When I asked about this in a Comic forum back then, the reply I got was that Supes does some kind of weird super fast vibro blinking technique that makes him look different somehow to people. Besides Dean Cain could've fooled me in Lois&Clark. Strangely, all the other better Superman titles that people say are better don't. Smallville Clark, nope. Christopher Reeves, nope. The new guy with the kevlar cape, nope.

   You want really poor disguises, check out:

   #1 John Stewart Green Lantern
   The guy doesn't even put on a mask!

   #2 Wonder Woman Tv Show
   Really now? You say if you wear a bra and panty and let your hair hang down, I wouldn't recognize you? Damn it, if it only works on the wife.

   #3 Cyclops
   What's worse than a guy that needs to hide his identity by wearing glasses? A guy that needs a special customized glass that cannot be removed or else he has to close his eyes. For Christ's sake, have Matt Murdock teach you a thing or two on how to deal with being blind and ditch the lame expensive ruby material glasses that all them poor muggers are drooling into.

   #4 Cloud Strife
   Yes, we believe you are a member of an elite class of SOLDIER when you are kicking as much ass as a level 1 Bartender that probably had to perform some *ahem* unbarter-like services just so she could afford some classes at the local self-defense dojo. Oh and some breast enhancement surgery too.

   #5 Ben from Ben 10
   You're a kid with a weird looking watch that can run out of battery anytime with a kid cousin that makes Karate Girl look like a white belt and an overweight grandpa that fights like James Bond from 007. Yes, there's no way the government can put two and two together just because you can transform into 5 different things. *rolls eyes* It's stuff like these that make Batman think he can fool anybody by wearing a different colored outfit everytime.

   #6 Batman from the comics
   Having a zillionaire orphan vigilante dressed up as a rodent being the greatest fighter, greatest detective, greatest philanthropist, richest benefactor, greatest inventor ( as seen by his creation of Brother Eye ) - all while fighting a clown and failing, and leading his high school age bat "family" into danger and death ( if Jason's temporary death still counts ) ... makes most the other gotham centric books seem like just so much bat-guano compared to this, In My Humble Opinion

   Quote from: http://dcboards.warnerbros.com/web/thread.jspa?messageID=2004608995

   #7 Batman from the recent movies
   Apparently if your manor burning down does not get the front page of the news, no one will investigate even when all the richest people were put in danger and of course, you're not going to get sued and you still won't get tracked down despite having a vehicle as large as a tank when you return to base and really, you'd think if you were some mythical scary creature that Gotham would get tons of bat cave hunters but noo... it attracts more insane people instead. You don't ever hear crime going up like tidal waves in Point Pleasant because the Mothman appeared.

   #8 SailorMoon and other Magical Girls with the exception of Haruka
   Hmm...let me see...five female students still in school...transforms into five female in student outfits with short skirts. If only this works in real life.

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   1. • greggo

      This comment is way better than the article.

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   2. • arianrhod

      @The_Plagiarist You wrote the breakdown I wanted to write but was too lazy to. All I can say in reply to the Power Rangers thing is that Kimberly was pretty hot and thank god she's in a new show now.
      I am dying to see the new He Man. I used to adore that cartoon.
      And as for Sailor Moon? As long as it was Sailor Jupiter around, I was ok watching it. But the rest of the show? Just...no.

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   3. • dan360man

      @The_Plagiarist Kudos for the Juwanna Man reference.

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   4. • Kerry

      @The_Plagiarist Wow. Totally geekiness, total awesomeness. Kudo given

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4. • finleymax

   Hi its good news presented by you.

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5. • DannyGrayson

   Great write up Plagiarist!

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6. • The_Plagiarist

   Wow............thanks you guys. Glad you enjoyed it.

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7. • dan360man

   I still think Adam West as Batman could have easily been figured out. I guess folks in Gotham City back in the day weren't too quick on the uptake.

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