Special Report -- I'm smitten. I resisted as long as I could, but have now listened to my heart and loins. Somehow, some way, some day, Sarah Palin will be mine.

Washington, DC -- Embattled U.S. President George W. Bush continues his long, slow decline into history's dumpster. A new Gallup poll places Mr. Bush's current approval rating somewhere between Brussels sprouts and explosive diarrhea.

Burbank, CA -- Ultra-cute pop idol Miley Cyrus responded forcefully to persistent criticisms of her lifestyle and career choices -- by throwing Disney Studios out of the entertainment business.

The U.S. electorate depends on polls to detect trends and clarify positions -- a state of affairs unlikely to change until a rumored switch to an American Idol-style panel of judges takes effect.

The 2008 presidential race is fully engaged, but truth and credibility are not. The road to the White House is littered with the corpses of shattered reality and common decency -- casualties of one of the ugliest, nastiest major U.S. elections since 2004.

In particularly hard hit regions like Beverly Park or the Hamptons, some of the most impoverished privileged are unable to maintain their premium cable TV programming, dine out more than five nights a week, or even purchase the latest cell phones.

Undeterred by pessimistic zealots and sci-fi fans, CERN's physicists scamper forward in pursuit of fundamental truths.

9:00PM Those guys with the tall, Dr. Seuss-looking red, white, and blue sparkly hats are creeping me out. Clearly overcompensating for something lacking in their own personal "party platforms," I'm guessing.

St. Paul, MN -- Senator John McCain's Friday announcement of his Republican VP pick has tapped a fully pressurized, foaming keg of adversity.

When I was a little critter growing up in the compound, my mother elected herself nutritionist for our entire breakaway republic. There's no telling what Mom would have achieved as Dietician-General if our fifty-two member group had seceded from the U.S.